Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
