you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
