i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
