Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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