with your own penis?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
