is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
