Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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