as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
