there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
