I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
