Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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