Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
