dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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