The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
third nipple confirmed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
