did you get engaged???
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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