when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
