who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
