Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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