Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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