I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
