okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
