It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
