Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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