"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
