i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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