the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
