I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
