In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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