Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
