I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
