I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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