HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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