I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
