dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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