After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
