I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
