i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
