good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
