I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
