Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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