brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
