Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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