I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
