Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
