She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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