I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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