Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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