who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
