she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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