I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I believe in your delicious
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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