I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
