some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
