dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
