they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
