you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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