Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
