i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
